Saturday, July 13, 2013

I've never heard silence quite this loud.

Where to begin? It was such a great day! Grahm and I went to Uncle Dave Macon Days, ate pizza, watched a movie, rock climbed, and just got to sit and talk to each other. That last one's always one of my favorite parts. Even when there's not much to say, just being in his company is enough.

On that note, I wanted to share something the Lord has been teaching me, slowly but surely, over the past few years; silence is not a bad thing. It's quite the opposite! Most people don't agree with me on this. They think silence is awkward, and even scary. I used to be the same way: I always had to be talking to someone, or if I was by myself I constantly kept music on as background noise. The gap doesn't always have to be filled. I've found in my life that God is the loudest in the silence.

We've all heard it a million times, right? The American lifestyle is so busy and hectic, we're always go go going. It's true, and unfortunately it is easy to forget about God in the noisiness of life. Here's what I find always helps me regain control in this crazy fast life... quietness. Whether it's not listening to music when I get ready, not listening to music in the car, or just being silent for a while after a prayer, God reveals Himself to me. Here's a story that I actually think about quite a lot....

It was the first semester of my senior year, and I was feeling defeated. I felt like I wasn't smart enough, wasn't good enough, and wasn't doing enough. There wasn't as much security as I'd known before. I also had not been hearing or seeing God as often as I had in the past. I felt ashamed of this because I was supposed to be this good Christian girl that went on mission trips and was always at church, so I didn't want to admit the distance I was feeling. I reached a breaking point where I was on my knees crying in my room late at night, because I was sick of God "hiding Himself from me." I prayed "God, I can't and am not meant to do this on my own. I'm not good at saying fancy prayers, but please, tell me that you're listening." I sat in silence for about ten seconds, eyes still closed. The moment that I opened my eyes, I saw the largest lightning bolt I ever remember seeing flash across the sky. It wasn't raining, there were no dark clouds, and no thunder. Just one single bolt of lightning.

I felt God in the silence that followed that lightning bolt. I sat for a long time in this quiet place, just feeling His love all around me. It's not something I can describe, you have to experience it. But from then on, I didn't view silence as a bad thing. God made the universe, the Heavens and the Earth and everything in them, every last creature. It is enough to sit in His presence and be in awed silence. It is hard for me to believe sometimes, but He absolutely adores me, and He is content with me wanting to be in His company. What an awesome God!

"In the secret, in the quiet place, in the stillness You are there. In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, only for You, 'cause I want to know You more"

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